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This is a particularly hard topic because most of us are not very good at dealing with any kind of criticism. The reason for this could vary from person to person, but in my case, it was a lack of awareness. I guess even my parents were completely unaware of the effect of criticism. Hence, blaming them for not teaching me is pointless. Nevertheless, the result was I grew up listening to critical remarks from most of my social connections, including teachers, parents, friends, and sometimes even strangers. Those remarks were often made either with a sarcastic tone or confrontation. Although I believe that most of those remarks were naive and with good intentions, their effect was not harmless. I had very low self-esteem with constant doubts in my ability to do anything and feeling like a complete looser. Even as an adult, I struggle to believe that I am good at anything.
The mind usually sees criticism as an attack--imagine someone criticizes your decision to run from a lion or face it--which could result in bitter arguments, aggression, or even violence. The best way to ignore the consequences is to avoid criticizing others. However, one can argue that criticism is important for growth and improvements and, therefore, is necessary for an alleged success. However, I disagree with this reasoning because criticism does not need to be always strong and destructive. It can be constructive as well. When you criticize someone constructively, the victim can understand it is not an attack but a call for improvement. It is a win-win situation.
While constructive criticism can lead us to improvements, its effect on the mind is also deteriorating. Repeated constructive criticism can have as much detrimental effect on the mind as some minor destructive comments. For instance, despite having experiences--my childhood struggle and adult life experiments [1]--in dealing with basic criticism, when I read the comments of my supervisor on my PhD thesis, I felt enraged. It's a very repetitive feeling that comes every time I open a newer version. I try to understand why I feel this way because these comments are important to improve the text, but none of my reasoning works.
I just finished correcting the 5/6th version of my thesis and while writing this post I still feel outraged. So the only thing I can suggest to you is please be polite with others while criticizing them, and do not be an asshole.
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[1] To gain confidence, I read many biographies and started experimenting. I learned new skills, improved my stamina, and gained strength and athletic abilities. I might talk about it someday.
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Posted at: Tue, 18 Mar 2025 11:10 GMT
category: /weblog/posts